“As Pharaoh and his army approached, the people of Israel could see them in the distance, marching toward them. The people began to panic, and they cried out to the Lord for help. Then they turned against Moses and complained, ‘Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness?” – Exodus 14:10-11a
Confession: I find all too often I am just as doubting, just as complaining, and oh-so-human as the Israelites in the wilderness.
This past month I’ve been spending time reading through Exodus and it’s always incredible to see how applicable God’s Word is for today and for my own personal circumstances in the moment. The Israelites, God’s people, had been slaves in Egypt for hundreds of years until God raised Moses to lead them out of slavery and into the Promised Land, defeating Pharaoh and his army in the process. God continuously promised the Israelites His presence and victory over their enemies, yet the people consistently doubted God, forgetting His great faithfulness in the past. On their journey, what should have taken about nine days to complete, the Israelites spent several decades in the wilderness before entering the land God promised to them. Their disobedience and disbelief delayed the fulfillment of what all God had in store for them as a people.
But God is faithful.
“When there is love, peace and happiness, there is no doubt in my mind that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be and that this is Your will for me. But when issues arise or things get a little difficult, it’s almost as if I’m wired to assume the worst, and immediately question where You have me and Your will for me. Why do I do that?” – March 14, 2016
Reading of the Israelites’ insane behavior and proneness to wander and doubt God boggles my mind, and then I remember my own life and my own attitude and heart toward God when I question His plans for my life. I had had enough a few short weeks ago while praying, I was so frustrated and finally blurted out, “God, I am so human!” I can be so doubtful, so selfish, so faithless and flawed, so human.
But God is faithful.
Shallow Confidence
“So God led them along a route through the wilderness toward the Red Sea, and the Israelites left Egypt like a marching army.” – Exodus 13:18
Before the Israelites questioned and complained to Moses that God had only led them out of Egypt to die, they first experienced a surge of confidence. When they left Egypt, leaving behind slavery, they didn’t just shuffle their feet, they walked boldly, like a marching army.
This is how I start off when venturing down a new path, following my God-breathed destiny. I have a certain confidence; I know I’ve been given permission to pursue this dream and there is a thrill taking those first steps into whatever lies ahead. I walk boldly, as if almost a dare for someone to try and stop me. Yet all too soon, there is a hiccup, a mistake made, an unforeseen challenge that is put before me and stands in the way, between me and my God-given dream. Sometimes I don’t panic, sometimes I can take setbacks lightly, keep calm and carry on. Other times I allow my world to be turned upside down and let this hold-up, disappointment, this failure dictate how I feel about everything, and question God’s intentions for me.
I don’t want to live that way. I don’t want to waste years of my life learning something that could be taught in a season. I don’t want to be disobedient, or live in disbelief. I want to believe God the first time, and to remain faithful to His calling, because God is faithful.
Sustained Trust
“When you continue your journey there may be much mist and cloud. Perhaps it may even seem as though everything you have seen was just a dream, or the work of your own imagination. But you have seen reality and the mist which seems to swallow it up is the illusion. Believe steadfastly in what you have seen. Even if the way appears to be obscured and you are led to doubt whether you are following the right path, remember God’s promise. Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know it until He intervenes, even if it seems to be leading you where you fear He could never mean you to go.” – Hinds Feet on High Places
There comes a point in my faith-journey where I have to decide what I believe to be true and untrue, and to live and act accordingly. If I trusted God on day one that He had plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), then those promises remain true every day, in every moment. If God gave me the dream of With All Her Might back in 2011, and had been cultivating it in my heart years before that, and not having seen all the things He has spoken to my heart come alive, then I can believe this dream is still relevant for today, and I must continue to pursue it until I see every last God-given dream fulfilled, because God is faithful.
A Heart Adjustment
“They had been removed from Egypt, but Egypt had not been removed from their hearts.” – Pastor Tom Hughes
I wrote those words in my Bible about 10 years ago during a sermon on the Israelites in the wilderness, and how true it still rings today. I can’t say I have the perfect remedy for when these moments of doubt and discouragement come, but I do know it begins and ends with God.
Facing uncertainty this past month alone, I’ve tried to shift my focus off what I believe to be wrong in my world and any misplaced blame, and instead ask God to examine my heart and my motives. In Psalm 51, King David asks God to create in him a clean heart and a renewed spirit. I have found myself praying this often because I know the change and transformation of my circumstances begins with a change and transformation in me.
I’ve been going back to 1 Corinthians 13, to the verses about love, and asking myself if I possess those characteristics: Staci is… patient and kind. She is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. She does not demand her own way. She is not irritable, and she keeps no record of when she has been wronged. She is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. She never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. She will not fail.
How I wish those words were true, but God is faithful.
I’ve also been looking at the fruit of the Spirit to remind me of who God has called me to be and what attributes His Spirit has given me the power to bring forth and bear in my life. “When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” – Galatians 5:22
I may be a work in progress, as ever, but God is faithful.
Beautifully Human
This past month as I’ve dealt with life’s circumstances in conjunction to the arrival of Easter, and as I celebrated Resurrection Sunday this past weekend, I am reminded of Hope. It would be impossible to talk about humanness and not mention the person of Jesus; He who was fully man and fully God, yet lived a perfect and blameless life. As I’ve dwelt on His death and resurrection, it is true, this changes everything.
“I gave you brokenness, You gave me innocence.” – Audrey Assad, For Love of You
What Jesus did on the cross, and how He conquered death, if it was true 2000 years ago, it is true today, and Hope is alive. When I hear this I can’t help but be emboldened to march forward into the destiny God has for me with an unshakable confidence. His life, His death, His resurrection, remembering these truths always makes me brave again, because God is faithful.
“You shoulder our weakness, and Your strength becomes our own. Now You’re making me like You, clothing me in white, bringing beauty from ashes.” – Bethel, Ever Be
It may take a million more attempts to get to where I’m going, to the place God has called me to be. I will certainly need to be reminded another million times, with many more self and heart-examinations, but what is true today will always be true for every new tomorrow:
Though I am only human, oh-so-human, God is faithful. This is where I find my peace and discover true beauty.
Beautifully Human,
With All Her Might
With All Her Might 